How Therapists Can Help Couples Cross the Threshold of Vulnerability

One of the topics emerging in the field of sex addiction and partner trauma right now is the idea of couples crossing the threshold of vulnerability again after betrayal. The addiction treatment field and partner trauma field have made great strides in keeping addicts in recovery and making sure that partners are finally feeling heard and validated. Both the addicted partners and the betrayed partners are making tremendous progress in the core tasks that are required to get them back on a level playing field emotionally, where the addict is no longer keeping secrets, the partner feels validated, and amends are made.

Though we’ve done well in helping each partner within a couple on an individual basis, we are just beginning to apply modalities that help couples to heal together. Both couples and therapists seem to be struggling with how to begin that process.

What Does It Take to Trust Again?

“Can I trust you again?” is the question that is top of mind as couples begin to take steps toward reconnecting. It’s a matter of being willing to cross the threshold of vulnerability again, and there’s no easy way to do that. It’s an act of courage.

One of the things the couple has to do is make a decision about whether they are going to move forward or not. So many couples are stuck in a phase of indecision. They decide not to leave each other, which is not the same as deciding to move forward in vulnerability again. I think as therapists we need to start examining ways to support couples in making the decision to stay and truly move forward or go. When therapists meet their betrayed client’s primary concern—“If I trust him again, am I going to get betrayed again?”— they often resort back to “the individual as client” modality. They begin to focus on the old narrative of the betrayal and making sure the addict stays in recovery. If the couple feels helpless and frustrated the therapist often does too. They then inadvertently move away from a couple’s paradigm and into an individual client paradigm where they end up rehearsing and reinvigorating the old strategies the couple used for coping with the pain of the betrayal. Many of these paradigms are helpful on an individual basis, but they don’t help them move into vulnerability again as a couple.

Therapists don’t lead enough discussions about how the partners can make a new decision about moving forward as a couple.

One of the critical pieces in making the decision to move forward in vulnerability is helping the couple grieve the loss of the first romance together. Because, the truth of the matter is that once there has been a betrayal, the first romance is over. It is not the same anymore and will not be the same again. That is often a painful reality for both the addict and their partner to face.

I designed a couples workshop at The Meadows that guides couples through the grieving process. It is incredibly powerful. Couples do an art therapy project where they say goodbye to their first marriage. They also destroy a symbol of their first marriage, then take the pieces and reformed them into another object that represents their moving forward. Saying goodbye to the first marriage and making a new decision about what moving forward would look life for them, has proven to be exactly what most of the couples require to truly begin to heal together.

Content Source: Couples Retreat Az

A Virtual Tour Of Our Campus - Rio Retreat Center

The first thing patients will notice about the Rio Retreat Center is the peaceful, natural setting in which our facility is located. Our campus creates an atmosphere that is conducive to contemplative work and self-examination. Famous for its breathtaking landscapes and tranquil beauty, the Wickenburg area rests on the northern edge of the Sonoran Desert, just below Arizona’s mountainous country.

 

Many of our patients feel that the peacefulness of the Rio Retreat Center at The Meadows campus reinforces their mindset for recovery.

We Can Help

Workshops at the Rio Retreat Center are designed to help you understand your own needs, desires, emotions, habits, and everything else that makes you who you are. The more you know about yourself, the better equipped you are to engage in healthy relationships and have an improved sense of self. To learn more about the Rio Retreat Center at The Meadows or to sign up for one of our groundbreaking workshops, call us at 866-494-4930 or fill out the form below and a representative will be happy to provide you more information.

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How God Shows Up in Recovery

It’s Totally a God Thing

I am frequently delighted by the many ways God shows up when people are on their healing journeys. When I refer to “God,” I am referring to Spirit, the Universe, Nature, the Soul, our Inner Light—or any other term we might use for a divine sense of connection with something greater than us. And when I refer to God “showing up,” I’m talking about the awe-inspiring things that happen to us that seem to be more than mere coincidence.

 

“That was totally a God thing!” is the phrase I frequently use to express my amazement when I experience those unplanned events that couldn’t be more perfect if they had been carefully planned. I see the perfect mix of strangers based on their traits and backgrounds come together in a group and have unbelievably powerful experiences. They may finally see their partner’s point of view in someone’s story, or understand the depth of their parents’ own trauma leading to freedom to forgive. This often feels to me like more than a random gathering of folks; it feels like there’s an invisible influence shaping our experiences.

I also experience it as very subtle divine guidance when I have an idea for an intervention that isn’t even logical. I recently suggested that someone do some work with her addict self. She gave me a look of pure shock. This woman had been in solid recovery for more than 8 years. There was no logical reason for my suggestion. I couldn’t say why I thought of this process because it didn’t make sense.

But, when she put her addict self in the chair in front of her, she was very real. And when she sat in that chair and felt that part of her that was still alive and well in her, she was able to truly release guilt and shame and bring that part into recovery. She later shared that she would have never thought it in a million years, but that was the piece that was missing in her healing work.

It was totally a God thing.

I feel that this kind of experience must happen in recovery programs in general and in all of The Meadows programs, but we definitely get to experience it strongly in our workshops at The Rio Retreat Center.

The Survivors II workshop is open for participants to continue with another layer of childhood trauma work, adult trauma, relationship issues, addictions, etc. If you feel inspired or “guided” to continue your healing journey, it may be the workshop for you.

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Equine Therapy for Therapists and Counselors

I have been through the desert on a horse with no name, and it was a profound experience. The experience I’m talking about is the Horses Helping Clinicians workshop offered through the Rio Retreat Center at The Meadows. It takes place on a beautiful ranch, tucked behind some mountains, just outside of Wickenburg, Arizona.

The first morning of the workshop, after introductions, workshop facilitator Colleen DeRango said, “Pick a horse or let a horse pick you.” As I made my way from horse to horse, I waited for a sign, not really knowing what a sign would even look like. After standing in front of a number of horses, a black and white horse with no name picked me.

It’s hard for me to describe this experience with words. It just isn’t possible to do justice to exactly how incredible this workshop was for me. What I can tell you is that without any words at all, that horse gave me a great deal of valuable information about myself. He showed me how I relate to myself, my feelings, and my biggest challenges in life.

Register for Horses Helping Clinicians

Our professional development equine workshop, Horses Helping Clinicians: Somatic-Based Skills to Assist Clients in Restoring Resiliency, is designed to allow professionals to do their own work through the use of equine therapy, safely surrounded by their peers. While this workshop is not designed to teach therapists how to facilitate equine therapy, 18 clock hours of continuing education are offered for attendance. To enroll in this workshop, please contact our intake department at 1-866-280-2874.

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Rio Retreat Workshop Discount Through March 31

Book any workshop for 2017 during the month of March and you’ll receive $500 off the cost of registration. (Some exclusions apply.)

A few of the life-changing options we have coming up for March, April, and May can help you begin to…

• Make peace with your past Survivors I and Survivors II
• Find more compassion for yourself and others Mind & Heart: A Mindful Path to Wholehearted Living
• Heal from grief and loss Healing Heartache: A Grief and Loss Workshop
• Break free from unhealthy relationship patterns Love Addiction/Love Avoidance
• Stop compulsive sexual behaviors Men’s Sexual Recovery
• Remove roadblocks to real physical and emotional intimacy Journey of a Woman’s Heart: Finding True Intimacy
• Reconnect with your spouse or partner Couples Bootcamp
• Move forward after sexual betrayal and infidelity Healing Intimate Treason: For Partners of Sex Addiction
  
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Eating Disorders Workshop Arizona

Food – everyone’s first love. Nobody could survive without food as we talk, but can you imagine food harming us? Scientifically, food pumps blood, produces energy and keeps our body healthy but it has flipside too like everything else. It could ruin us physically and mentally if it is abused. Just ask following questions to yourself based on your body type:

Do you feel you are getting fatter even if you are eating less – anorexia?

Or do you feel you are not getting fat even if your food intake is sufficient – obesity?

Or you think you have a problem of binge eating disorder?

  Thus, Rio Retreat Centre brings you Eating Disorder Workshop. Suffering from eating disorder, this Workshop for Eating Disorders is open to men and women at Remuda Ranch. Here, we provide workshop therapy for every kind of disorder. Be it overeating, under eating, fluctuate back and forth, or do both at the same time. This workshop helps you see your current struggles with food through the lens of your personal history. By participating in together meals, you learn to identify and separate your emotions and thoughts.

Thus, Rio Retreat and Remuda Ranch brings you Eating Disorder Workshop to cure every kind of disorder and to be free from it for life.

 every kind of disorder read more...

The Meadows Alumni Rio Retreat

The Meadows Alumni Retreat is your opportunity to reconnect, reunite, recharge, and reignite.

This retreat is only for those who have participated in one of our 5-day intensive workshops, an intensive outpatient program at The Meadows Outpatient Center, or family week or inpatient treatment at The Meadows, Claudia Black Young Adult Center, Gentle Path at The Meadows, Dawn at The Meadows, Dakota House, or Mellody House. We look forward to creating an unforgettable weekend and reuniting you with your peers!

Early bird registration fee: $250 (prior to November 19, 2016)
Regular registration fee: $300 (November 19, 2016 and after)
The registration fee includes meals and program activities.
Please contact us for any dietary or special needs at alumni@themeadows.org.

Address : 1245 Jack Burden Road,
City : Wickenburg
State : Arizona
Zipcode : 85390
Country : United States
Phone: +1 800-244-4949

Referral Link : Grief Counseling Arizona

Autumn Is a Time for Letting Go

I live in Arizona so I do not get the benefit of seeing the beautiful fall foliage colors that some of the other parts of the nation enjoy. However, I see plenty of pics of autumn colors posted all over social media from friends across the country.

One thing I always think about in the fall is, “What do I need to let go of? What do I need to address so that I can grow more next year?”

I was thinking about that last week as I facilitated a group that included a number of brave participants. Each had long-term, successful recovery in one area, but were still working to overcome issues that had presented themselves in other areas of their lives.



Are You Holding on to Your Pain?
The more insight we have into ourselves, the more likely we are to notice additional things that we need to work on. It is not uncommon for people in recovery to find other areas of their lives unmanageable.

Sometimes, the issues are just part of everyday life; but, for people in recovery, everyday life issues can increase the risk of relapse and bring more challenges to recovery. Some of these unresolved issues might include other addictions, relationship or family issues, unresolved childhood or adult trauma, unavoidable grief and loss, money and work issues, long-held resentments, or simply complacency that has halted their growth in recovery.

We may think we need to hold onto some of our pain because we are not sure who we would be without it. We might also feel that we need certain behaviors to cope or survive. At times, we compare our current issues to those we already addressed and deem them “less serious.” Then, we procrastinate on the additional emotional work that we need to do. Regardless of what the additional issues are, it is important to address them.

If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes

Natalie felt lost. She didn’t quite understand why, but everything just felt wrong somehow. Even though it was hard for her to admit that she needed help, she reached out.

She found The Meadows Survivors workshop where, for the first time, she began to understand where she came from, where she was going, and where she wanted to be.

Survivors I is an essential component of The Meadows inpatient treatment programs. It is also offered as a stand-alone workshop for anyone who’s interested in learning more about the ways in which self-defeating thoughts and behaviors learned in childhood continue to affect their daily lives.

The intensive, 5-day workshop helps participants identify their specific emotional wounds and understand the impact they have had on their self-esteem, boundary system, level of dependency, and ability to achieve balance and harmony. For more information call 800-244-4949.

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